


Randall McAvers And Harry Went To The Moon... Eventually

by God1643



Series: Micro-Stories [10]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Inspirational Speeches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-11-02 01:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20575844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/God1643/pseuds/God1643
Summary: Harry's New Defense Professor Is Fucking Crazy.It's kind of awesome.Harry thinks you should see this.Will you let him down?





	Randall McAvers And Harry Went To The Moon... Eventually

Learning under Professor Alexander Smith was a bizarre experience. He was a big man, only a few years older than a seventh year, with an extremely expressive bearing and a strange outlook on life.

Some of his best lessons began with; “This is what makes me so fucking mad about…” And went from there. Harry fell in love with the Magical World all over again watching this man rant, his face turning red with exasperation, his arms flailing about in maddening gestures, crazily expressing himself in a way so delightfully mad no one could manage to look away.

“This is what pisses me off so much about you magicals that decide to put  _ limits _ on things!” Alexander’s voice would pitch higher and louder throughout sentences, vibrant even in his speech.

“You all forget that  _ magic _ , is  _ FUCKING MAGIC! _ ” He boomed the final two words, sending the class, and the gathered crowd of mesmerized students listening at the open doors, jumping in fright.

“The American President, one of the Muggle Leaders, in 1961 said that his government would ‘Put a man on the Moon and return him safely to the Earth before this decade is out.’ Do any of you want to take a guess as to what his government did?”

“No muggle could make it to the Moon.” Scoffed a Hufflepuff girl.

“EEEEEEH!” Said Alexander, making a buzzing noise. “Wrong!” He boomed, looming over the girl. He spun as he returned to his place, yet another wild expression of too much energy.

“By 1969 America had put three men on the Moon and returned all of them safely back to Earth. They didn’t have magic.” He sounded incredibly exasperated here.

“They would scoff at the mere mention of magic and dismiss it as ridiculous, but they made it TO THE FUCKING MOON!” Alexander screamed, for there was no other words for it.

“You all have magic!” He pointed accusingly at a random student, a Ravenclaw boy, shaking with fear at the noise and potential insanity this man seemed to produce.

“You! What’s your name!”

“Randall McAvers, sir.” The boy said, shaking.

“Randall!” The boy jumped. “Why the fuck aren’t you on the Moon right now?! Why are you not dancing a fucking Irish Jig and downing shots on the Moon?!”

“Because…” Alexander waited, arms crossed. “Because I don’t think I could.” Randall admitted, shamefaced. Alexander’s arms came free of their folding to point accusingly at him.

“Because you put  _ limits _ on yourself.” Alexander said, and this time he spoke very softly.

“You put limits on yourself.” He echoed himself. “Magic doesn’t have limits, Magical People have the limits that they apply to themselves.” Alexander paused for a second, scratching at his beard.

Then, he pointed behind his back randomly and rotated around to keep pointing in the same place, meeting the eyes of the Hufflepuff boy he had pinned with the ‘Point of Doom’ “How was magic discovered?”

Harry loved this part, the seemingly random question or statement that would lead to an earth-shaking conclusion. Professor Alexander seemed to make it an art form. And Harry was mesmerised.

“I don’t know, sir.” The boy replied, honest if nothing else. Alexander nodded.

“I may not know for sure, but I can tell you one thing, it wasn’t some bored bastard who happened upon the right wood and right magical creature part to put together before any human could ever use magic of any kind.” Alexander shook his shaggy-haired head.

“No, it started from some bastard being desperate, feeling a desire welling up his gut.” Alexander moved his hand evocatively, as if pulling up a thick liquid in his stomach up through his throat. “Some desperate motherfucker thought ‘I need that!’ and it came fucking flying across the room into his hand. And he looked up, and said ‘That was magic!’ And that was that!” Alexander strode across the room, pointing at each and every child.

“What do you want to do? What’s the wildest, most crazy fucking thing you ever wanted to do?” He asked, pinning a Gryffindor with his eyes.

“I want to fumigate.” The boy replied, his eyes excited.

“Fuck that! You’re gonna invent a new type of Fumigation that’s even faster!” Alexander retorted, grabbing the boy by the shoulders.

“When are you going to do it?”

“Before the decade is out?” The boy offered, tentatively. Alexander shook the boy.

“Before the school year is out! What are you going to do?!” Alexander was entirely too loud for this range of conversation, but the adoration and inspiration that suddenly seemed to ooze from the boy made it seem altogether reasonable.

“I’m gonna make a better fumigation! It’s gonna be faster, and thinner, and I’m gonna be able to talk while it’s happening!” The boy babbled. Alexander threw his head back in a cackling laugh, hauling the boy out of his seat and swinging him around with joyous abandon.

“That’s his moon, ladies and gentlemen! He’s found his moon! Go find yours!” Alexander yelled, setting the shaken boy down with a booming laugh.

“Go to the moon! Take a girl to Mars for a makeout session, go fuck like rabbits with your sweetheart on Pluto! Find your moon and get the fuck out of my classroom cause it’s time for lunch! Fly, my little beautiful students! FLY!”


End file.
